


I Feel Like This is our Last

by dreamiesficfest, jenjaemrens



Series: Dear Dream - Dreamies Fic Fest (Second Wave) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multiverse, Noren, Romance, has slight fluff, jaemren, markmin, markren, multiple renjun and jaemin ships, other nct members are mostly mentioned with slight appearance of some members, renmin, very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 16:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18450533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamiesficfest/pseuds/dreamiesficfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenjaemrens/pseuds/jenjaemrens
Summary: Prompt Number: #DD067Do you remember when I told you about the theory of multiverse? I believe that there is a Renjun and Jaemin out there and I believe they are happy together.





	I Feel Like This is our Last

**Author's Note:**

> Notes from the Author: Hey guys! This is my entry for the fic fest! I hope the readers and the prompters liked it and if you do please do tell me your thoughts! Sorry if it’s bad and thank you for reading my fic!  
> Also I suggest listening to “the black skirts- wait more” while reading this as it reminds me of my fic a lot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdsCbYfuQHs

 

Jaemin remembered Renjun telling him how he wanted a simple wedding when he grew up. Nothing over the top like the way they saw in the movies. It would be in a garden with just their family and friends. There was no need for hundreds of guests. It’s just gonna make it more expensive. All Renjun wanted on his special day was to be surrounded by the people he loved.

And it was finally Renjun’s special day and just like Renjun wanted it. Kun was fixing the small rose bouquets that were right beside the chairs leading up to the altar. He saw Yangyang and Yukhei fixing the flowers as Donghyuck instructed them. Mark was talking to the caterer, waving his hand wildly pointing towards the truck. He could see Ten instructing his daughter on how to hold the basket so that she wouldn’t trip over and fall. He saw Taeyong on the other side instructing Jaehyun and Johnny to put the silverware in place.

They were all working so hard to make Renjun’s day perfect. To give him the perfect fairytale he deserved.

Jaemin smiled as he walked past Jaehyun and Johnny being chastised by Taeyong for starting a mini war with the silverwares. Usually he would have stopped to laugh at how the two of them would freeze up because of Taeyong but he didn’t have the time today.

He passed by Sicheng on his way inside the house, who gave him a surprised, but happy look. He nodded at Jaemin and walked away. Jaemin paused outside the door for a moment before knocking.

“Come on in.”

Sucker punch.

The moment he sees Renjun it’s like someone punched him. He looked beautiful in white. He looked just like a

“Fairy. You look like a fairy Renjun.”

“Jaemin!” Renjun grinned and jumped out of his chair, running to hug him. “You’re here! How did you get here? Kun’s been guarding me like a hound!”

“Well I just sneaked past him you know. No one can stop me from seeing you today. It is a special day.”

Renjun grinned, “I am so happy you sneaked in here. I was getting so scared you know. Cold feet? I heard that’s normal but like…”

Renjun sighs and steps back. Jaemin stays silent. He lets Renjun take a moment. Renjun was never good with words. He never did know how to express himself. It worried Jaemin when they were younger that others wouldn’t understand what he wanted to say the way Jaemin did.

But it seemed there was no need for him to really worry. Renjun was here. Renjun was getting married to the boy who loved Renjun so much.

“There’s really no need for me to be nervous is there Jaemin? After all, Jeno loves me so much. I know he won’t ever hurt me. He cried when I said yes you know. Lee Jeno crying. Can you believe it? It’s so silly.” Renjun laughs.

He looked so happy. His eyes were shining, and his laugh made Jaemin’s heart clench in pain. Renjun was happy but it wasn’t because of him. Renjun was getting married but it wasn’t Jaemin who was going to wait for him at the altar. There would be no vows exchanged between them because Renjun wasn’t marrying Jaemin. He was getting married to one of their closest friends Lee Jeno.

Jaemin had never expected that Renjun would marry, let alone date Jeno. They were so different. Jeno, the soccer captain with excellent academic records and Renjun, the quiet artist. The only reason they were friends is because of Jaemin. Whereas Renjun and Jaemin knew each other since they were children, Jeno, Donghyuck and Yangyang joined them when they started high school.

Jaemin didn’t know that their high school friendship would lead them to this day. When he would have to be the best man at his best friend’s wedding. Or more specifically, he never realised that he would see Jeno marrying the love of Jaemin’s life.

He realised it a bit too late. When Jeno had already asked Renjun out. But Jeno never did anyone for longer than a few weeks or a few months at most. And Renjun never had shown interest in anyone before. By the time Jaemin has realised that the burning feeling inside whenever he saw them together was because he was in love with Renjun it was too late. But even then, he hoped that they would break up.

They didn’t. Even when Renjun went to China for a year Jeno stuck by and waited for him. They had their fights and Jaemin was there when Renjun cried to him afterwards. But the both of them had always got back together.

Jaemin had given up hope. Until he found that.

“What if you don’t.” Jaemin said.

“What?”

“What if you don’t marry him? Jeno. What if you walk away?”

“Jaemin what are you even saying?” Renjun asked confused.

“I found your diaries. It’s full of sketches of me. Granted it decreased as we grew up and the last time you drew me was the night when Jeno asked you to marry him. You wrote that you love me and that you’re going to forget me and move on with Jeno now. But what if you didn’t have to.”

“Jaemin..” Renjun whispered.

“What if you don’t have to do this Renjun? Don’t do this. I am here for you. Renjun don’t do this.” He ignored Renjun’s protests

“Jaemin listen-”

“I love you Huang Renjun.” Jaemin said, reaching out and holding Renjun’s hands tightly. “Don’t do this. Run away with me.”

He hoped that Renjun could see that he meant it.

“No.” Renjun answered. He pulled his hands from Jaemin’s grip and stepped back, shaking his head. “I’m not going to run away with you because I’m getting married to Jeno.”

“But you don’t-”

“I love you. I love you so much.” Renjun choked. His eyes which were moments earlier shining with happiness were now filled with tears. “But don’t you get it? It’s too late. I can’t be with you because it’s my wedding day Jaemin. There’s someone out there waiting for me. He’s been waiting for me for years. I’m not going to leave him because you thought it was okay to tell me this now. Not when we were in high school and I kept waiting for you. You never stopped and looked at me. It’s too late.”

Every single word felt like a slap. Renjun had waited for him for years. Ever since they were thirteen but Jaemin had never looked. He was always looking elsewhere but never at the boy beside him who put up with all his ridiculous antics. His best friend who comforted him when his dog had died and would intentionally get in trouble so that Jaemin wouldn’t be alone in detention. Renjun would make sure Jaemin didn’t skip meals during college and that he remembered his assignments. Renjun was always there and Jaemin had thought he would be beside Jaemin forever.

“You say you love me and so does he Jaemin. You see it too don’t you? He loves me so much. He cried when I said yes Jaemin. You see how much he loves me Jaemin.”

Jaemin did see that. He’d be a fool not to. Jeno’s eyes would light up whenever he saw Renjun. His gaze was always on Renjun and he’d unknowingly reach out to hold Renjun’s hands. He would pick Renjun’s favourite whenever Renjun would run late to one of their hangouts. He would never miss any exhibition where Renjun’s paintings would be displayed.

Jeno was always doing so much for Renjun. More than...Jaemin ever did. Even as a friend.

“Sometimes,” Renjun began softly wiping away his tears. “It’s better to be with the person who loves you rather than the person you love. Because they will cherish you more. I do love him. Not like I love you. But I will love him as someone who is willing to love me and stay with me despite knowing I am imperfect and that is enough for me.”

Jaemin didn’t say anything. Rather he stepped closed and pulled Renjun in for a hug. Holding onto him tightly as if Jaemin was going to lose him.

But he was going to lose Renjun. And he’d have to live with it because that’s his punishment.

“Don’t cry.” Renjun whispered rubbing his back. “You’ll be okay. We’ll both be okay. We were just unlucky and late. It’s okay Jaemin.”

Renjun pulled away and wiped away the tears. Jaemin didn’t even realise that he started crying. Renjun smiled softly, lovingly gazing at him as if he was still the most precious to Jaemin after everything. And it hurt. It hurt Jaemin so much. It hurt.

“Do you remember when we were children and we used to look at the stars and I told you about the theory of multiverse? I believe that there is a Renjun and Jaemin out there and I believe they are happy together. Perhaps they are getting married now.”

They both laugh and cry. It sounded beautiful but at the same time it sounded painful. To know that it was something this Jaemin and Renjun could never have. They just weren’t meant to be even if they loved each other.

“Stay. Please. You’re my best friend. Stay with me today.” Renjun begged.

And so Jaemin did. He stood beside Jeno and watched as Renjun walked down the aisle looking so beautiful but Renjun’s eyes were on Jeno. He didn’t look at Jaemin. He didn’t hesitate as he recited his vows, smiling as he did so. He was glowing. He was happy and….that was enough. He clenched his fist and bit his tongue when they kissed. He clapped and cheered for them as they walked down the aisle together. And later he stood and gave a speech wishing them luck.

He did wish the best for them. He wished happiness for the boy he loves so much and his friend.

And he wishes that somewhere there is a Jaemin who made Renjun happy the way he never could.

**

The sound of a glass shattering.

The sound of one screaming at the other.

The sound of the door banging close as the other left.

The silence that followed when he was alone after he had left.

The muffled sob that turned into loud wails as he broke down in the living room alone.

Renjun was used to this. It happened every week. They would fight about something even if it was something as stupid as not being able to complete his assignment which led to huge fights or it would be because of something like Jaemin punching someone. Like he did today.

He punched Mark because he was being nice to Renjun and Mark had a crush on him. And Jaemin had marched up to them in the cafe Renjun and Mark were studying and punched him. He kept punching him despite Renjun screaming at him to stop. He kept punching even when Mark started bleeding until Jeno, who came out from the kitchen to see what was going on had jumped in and pulled Jaemin away from Mark.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Jaemin?”

Jaemin couldn’t answer. He had just shoved Jeno and walked away from the cafe leaving behind a bloodied Mark and Renjun crying.

It wasn’t as if Jaemin planned it. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like feeling angry all the time for no reason. He didn’t like scaring Renjun like he did. He didn’t like being violent but here he was in the gym room, taking out his frustrations on a punching bag after screaming at Renjun for something that wasn’t even his fault. Renjun wasn’t responsible for Mark’s feelings. Jaemin of all people knew how easy it was to love Renjun. He was gentle, kind, beautiful and everything good. And all Jaemin did was scream at him and then he would leave Renjun.

Renjun who was kind and gentle and alone in their apartment bent over and picking up the broken pieces of glass. He nearly stepped on a piece of glass before picking it up and throwing it in the bin. Did it matter if he hurt himself? Would the physical pain reduce the pain he was feeling?

Renjun remembers when he fell in love with Jaemin. He was so beautiful, and he drew Renjun in. Like a moth to a fire. But beneath his beauty was all edges that sharp enough to cut. He was like shattered glass pieces, sparkling on the floor as if they were diamonds but touch them and you’d cut yourself. And Renjun was bleeding. He was bleeding every day and he didn’t know how to heal.

Jaemin would always leave after their fight and Renjun would wait for him on the couch for hours. He wouldn’t stay back to help clean the glass he broke or the books that had scattered on the floor time he he pushed the shelf as he was leaving. He wouldn’t send a text or call to ask if Renjun ate or if he was sleeping. And Renjun would doze off in the couch waiting for him and the next morning he’d wake up to the smell of pancakes and eggs. He would go to the kitchen and see Jaemin cooking breakfast for him and then he’d turn and see Renjun standing.

He’d smile gently and Renjun would forgive him.

Renjun would always forgive him because he loved Na Jaemin and that meant he would forgive Jaemin. Because their love was enough to overcome anything.

Jaemin sat on the bench, panting and swiping through his gallery. It was full of Renjun. Renjun with his moomin plushie. Renjun covered in paint. Renjun pouting. Renjun smiling. Renjun. Renjun. Renjun. Everything about him was tied to Renjun. And here he was hurting him. He was piece of shit and he didn’t deserve Renjun.

He wasn’t ignorant to what people around him said. How someone like him didn’t deserve Renjun. He knew that Jeno hated him for treating Renjun like that. He knew Chenle disapproved of his older brother dating someone who had such anger issues like Jaemin did. And he knew that Mark made Renjun laugh more than Jaemin ever did. Mark deserved Renjun more than Jaemin did, but he just couldn’t let go.

They were both toxic, destructive and all they brought more pain for each other than happiness.

Jaemin’s phone vibrated.

_Have you eaten? Eat something please Jaemin. Please come home to me._

_-Junnie_

Jaemin smiled wryly. Look at him. Still worried for him after Jaemin had screamed at him. Still waiting for him to come home just to hurt him again.

Jaemin leaned back against the cold metal, sighing. He remembers when he fell in love with Renjun. The times when Renjun was happy.

No, Renjun was still happy now but he wasn’t the reason for it. He didn’t make him smile.

Love. Everyone always said that love made you happy but look at them now. It was love that was causing them pain.

But could Jaemin blame love? He could see the love Mark had for Renjun. That wasn’t pain. It was joy. It was something Jaemin was taking away from Renjun as if he had the right to. He was fucked up. He was unloved but Renjun deserved everything good.

He knew what he should be doing. He knows what he should do.

Renjun could feel something against his back but he was too tired to open his eyes and look. He simply groaned in protest against the movement.

“Shhhh Junnie. It’s okay. It’s okay I’m here.” Jaemin whispered.

Jaemin was home. He was home.

“Nana..” Renjun sighed.

“It will be okay I promise. I’m here Junnie.”

Jaemin was here. He was home. It wasn’t morning yet and Jaemin was here. They were together just like how they should be.

Jaemin laid Renjun down on their bed and laid down beside him, wrapping his arms around the boy pulling him close to him as if he was afraid. He was soft. Renjun was soft and Jaemin had always loved to hold Renjun when they would lie down together. He would always protect Renjun from anything that would harm him.

Renjun didn’t feel the tears that rolled out of Jaemin’s eyes as he kissed Renjun’s lips softly one last time.

Renjun woke up the next morning, alone in a bed that seemed too big and cold to him. He smiled thinking about how Jaemin had come home yesterday and quickly got out of the bed making his way out of the room where he was sure he’d see Jaemin cooking their breakfast. Instead he saw an empty kitchen.

Renjun frowned. He was sure he went grocery shopping the other day. Did he forget the pancake batter?

He picked up his phone from the couch to call Jaemin when he saw that Jaemin had left him a text.

Renjun froze as he read message. It couldn’t be. Jaemin would never do this. Jaemin wouldn’t leave him like this.

**_“Jaemin here please leave a message.” *beep*_ **

_“Jaemin baby where are you what’s this? Baby please stop joking_ _okay._ _It’s not funny. You can’t tell me we’re breaking up like this. I don’t care. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry nana I promise I won’t go out with Mark. I promise I’ll do anything just come home please come back to me.”_

Renjun waited for Jaemin to answer his calls. Renjun waited for Jaemin to come home but he didn’t.

_We’re done. I’m leaving. You can keep the apartment or move I don’t care._

_It’s for the best._

_I’m sorry._

Jaemin was never going to come home again.

**

“I like Jaemin.”

Renjun had never tried to say those words aloud. He knew that once he did it would change everything for him. He rather liked thinking about it but never voicing it out even when Donghyuck would say that Renjun was being dramatic (he was a theatre geek being dramatic is his thing) and that if he doesn’t admit his feeling,s he would regret it.

Renjun had brushed it off. He’d do it one day. One day he would say the words out loud then he would try to ask Jaemin out.

Jaemin, his best friend. The boy who had Renjun’s heart the moment he saw Jaemin smiling at him sitting in the front row during his first play. And when he hugged Renjun right after the show.

Huang Renjun had a crush on Na Jaemin, but he was also scared of saying it out loud.

But Renjun never expected that when he’d hear those words it wouldn’t be him who was saying it.

Renjun stares at Mark who was smiling awkwardly while the rest of them just froze. Jeno stopped wiping his glasses, Hyuck and Chenle stopped arguing and Jisung dropped the apple he was chewing on. He didn’t even bother trying to grab it as it dropped to the floor and rolled away. Jaemin wasn’t with them.

Renjun didn’t know if he should be happy that Jaemin wasn’t there or he should be worried that Mark seemed to have feelings for Jaemin as well.

“I am sorry what?” It was Jeno who broke the silence. “Can you repeat that again?”

“I like Jaemin.”

“Jaemin? As in our friend Na Jaemin?”

“Yes, Jeno our best friend Jaemin. I like him?”

“Since when?” Hyuck demanded. He turned around so he was facing Mark, narrowing his eyes and glaring at him as if he didn’t believe a word Mark was saying.

“It hasn’t been that long since I realised-”

“So, you mean to say that you aren’t sure about your feelings?”

“That’s not what I’m saying Hyuck.” Mark frowns.

“That’s what it sounds like to me. If you’re not sure don’t say that? It’s ridiculous.” Donghyuck scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Hyuck.” Renjun called. “Stop it.”

Donghyuck glances at him in disbelief while Mark smiled at him relieved for saving him from Donghyuck’s interrogation. Renjun knew that Hyuck was doing it for him. He was the only one in their friend group aware of his feelings for Jaemin. He was doing this for Renjun but Renjun didn’t want Mark to get hurt.

“Mark if you like him, really like him, then go for it. Tell him.”

Donghyuck had called him an idiot later on. That was after he was done screaming at him for being that ‘selfless’. He knew Donghyuck was being angry on his part. Donghyuck wasn’t Mark’s friend. He was Renjun’s. Mark was just Renjun’s childhood friend who sat with them at times whenever Mark’s senior friends were busy.

But he was Renjun’s friend. His first friend when he moved to Korea from Chine. To him it was putting Mark first because it was Mark. His best friend who had always been there to support him and help him. It didn’t really matter to Renjun that Mark liked Jaemin as well. It was just a crush after all. He would get over it. He’d probably be laughing about this in a few weeks.

That’s what he kept reminding himself each time he would deny Jaemin’s offer to hang out after their school was over. Instead he’d push him to Mark.

“Mark hyung said he wanted to go there. Why don’t you go with him to the cafe Jaem? I’m sorry but I’m so tired. Bye.”

He would be fine. He would be fine. It’s just a fleeting crush.

That’s what he thought until he saw Mark and Jaemin together, the older boy fidgeting while looking at the other boy hopefully.

Renjun had turned and walked away as quickly as he could. He felt his heart twist and his breath quickened as he ran away.

 

A crush. That’s what he said it was. But it didn’t feel like a passing crush when he felt like this. When the thought that Jaemin and Mark would be together made him feel like his heart was tearing into pieces. Needless to say, it didn’t take long for Renjun to realise that it was more than just a crush and that he should have admitted his feelings earlier.

And now it was too late until he got a call from Mark later on, distraught that Jaemin said he couldn’t go out with Mark. Renjun didn’t understand what was going on until his mother called him downstairs saying he had a friend over.

“Jaemin what-”

“Mark asked me out.”

“....I know.”

“And? That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“He likes you a lot you know. He really does Jaemin.”

“And what if I like someone else? What if I don’t want Mark but the boy I keep waiting for to tell me how he feels?”

Renjun swallowed staring at Jaemin. A part of him knew what Jaemin was implying. He could see what Jaemin was trying to tell him. He remembers the times when Jaemin would wait for him during Renjun’s art club and when he’d go to the moomin cafe along with Renjun because none of their other friends were willing to go with him. When Jaemin would let Renjun stay with him after they watched a horror movie during sleepover.

He was stupid to not see it before.

But it was too late.

“Mark is my best friend nana.” Renjun says. “He likes you so much.”

Heartbroken. Devastated.

Renjun hated the way Jaemin was looking at him. It was as if Renjun had broken him.

But for Renjun it was worse.

“If you’re going to be a coward,” Jaemin choked. “Then fine. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. You’d rather make excuses than just tell me how you feel huh? Fine. If that’s the way it is then…. Mark is really a better choice. At least he is willing to be there for me. Unlike you.”

Jaemin shook his head and stepped back. He was waiting. Even now he was waiting for Renjun to speak up, but he didn’t. Because Jaemin was right. Renjun was a coward and he’d rather hide his feelings than speak up about them.

“Goodbye Renjun.”

He said nothing as Jaemin walked away. He didn’t stop Jaemin and neither could he stop his tears.

The next day he could do nothing but smile and congratulate Mark when he told him that Jaemin had asked him out.

Renjun was a coward. He was an idiot and he lost the boy he loved because he was too late. It was too late for him to be happy with the boy he loved.

**

_“So…”_

_“So….”_

_“This is it huh. This is it for NCT Dream then.”_

_“I guess….feels…”_

_“I know.”_

_“I’m scared.”_

_“So am I. So am I.”_

_“The management they….they are putting me in the-”_

_“I know.”_

_“So?”_

_“Go. This is your opportunity. We don’t know when we will get to be in a fixed unit. This is your chance. Don’t lose it.”_

_“But-”_

_“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. We’ll call all the time. We will text. We will video call. It’s like we are together all the time. And I am sure you’ll be in Seoul most of the time so it’s fine.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Okay….but I’m still scared.”_

_“Don’t be. No matter what happens I will always love you Renjun.”_

_“I love you too Jaemin.”_

Jaemin stared at his phone and the call log. His calls were unanswered. Every single call to him was left unanswered. It was their night when they would leave everyone else and they would stay up all night talking. Sometimes Jaemin would ramble on about how Jeno had annoyed Jisung that day or accompanying Mark to the studio. Most of the times he liked hearing Renjun talk about how his days pass along with the other members. It made Jaemin happy to hear the joy in his voice whenever he talked about performing in his home.

But at the same time, it reminded him of the distance. He was so far away from him and Jaemin couldn’t do anything about it. They had thought that Renjun would be allowed to come to Seoul often, but they were wrong. They stayed away. And so, all Renjun and Jaemin could do was call each other.

Once it used to be once every day along with texting each other all day long. But it started to decrease. The calls become less frequent until it turned to a once in a month thing. Once they used to talk for hours and never miss a call but now, they can barely talk for an hour without running out of things to talk about. Calls were not received, texts left unseen and the distance between Renjun and Jaemin grew. And Jaemin didn’t think he could ever cross it.

Jaemin waited for an answer.

One he never got until a few days later. It was Jaemin who decided that it was time to talk. They really had to talk.

**_To: Injun_ ** **_♡_ **

**_Can we please talk today?_ **

**_It’s urgent_ **

**_From:_ ** **_Injun_ ** **_♡_ **

**_Of course._ **

**_To:_ ** **_Injun_ ** **_♡_ **

**_As usual then?_ **

**_From:_ ** **_Injun_ ** **_♡_ **

**_Okay_ **

“What was so urgent that you needed to talk now Jaemin?”

Jaemin paused. It felt like it had been years since he last heard Renjun’s voice. When did he last talk with Renjun? It was probably when they all had a video call but then he had barely talked with Renjun. And now here they were.

**“I…”**

**“Yes? Jaemin-ah what’s wrong?”**

**“We should break up.”**

Jaemin waited for Renjun to answer. He needed to hear Renjun say that he understood.

But most importantly he needed to see if Renjun would want to fight for him.

**“Is that what you think is right?”**

**“Feels like it.”**

**“Jaemin if we end this** **now,** **I’m never getting back together with you. Once it’s over it’s over.”**

**“Are you going to go through with this?”**

**“You’re the one who said it. Not me.”**

**“For reasons you and I both know.”**

**“If that’s so then** **….I** **guess there’s nothing we can do.”**

Jaemin clenched his fist hard, tears stinging his eyes as he hears Renjun. This is what he didn’t want. He just wanted Renjun. He just needed Renjun with him and to fight for him. But it seems like it wouldn’t happen

**“At least both of us will remain as friends right Jaemin?”**

**“Of course. Always.”**

It seemed like they were both on the same boat of not knowing what to say now that it was over. Jaemin ached to tell him that he loved him. He would always love him. He wanted to hear Renjun say it back.

**“It’s late here. I have to go to the studio tomorrow...goodbye Renjun.”**

**“Oh...bye Jaemin.”**

Jaemin spent the night staring at the photos on his phone of Renjun, remembering the times when they would both lay down in Jaemin’s bed for hours talking about everything and nothing. He remembers his heart beating and his sweaty palms as he pulled Renjun closer while the boy was talking and kissed him. He remembers their first date when they went to eat hotpot because nothing made Renjun happier than eating hotpot with people.

Jaemin remembers every kiss, every laugh and every single ‘I love you’s’ they had shared.

He didn’t cry. He didn’t think even if he cried, he could escape this black hole that was swallowing him whole.

All he wished now was that Renjun was happy because that was all that mattered.

He didn’t know that the boy on the other side had been crying since Jaemin had said they should break up. He didn’t know that Renjun was wishing that Jaemin would tell him it wasn’t real. That he still loved Renjun as much as he did. Like he promised Renjun that he would always love him.

But sometimes wishes don’t come true and Renjun learned this the hard way. He thought they were stronger. That they could overcome any hurdle.

And he was wrong.

And all that was left was wishing that the other would be happy even if it wasn’t with him.

“I love you Renjun.”

“I love you Jaemin.

 


End file.
